so you get home from work. you don’t wanna make dinner, you just worked all day, dude. get real. you also don’t want, like, a dinner food, ya know? like foh with that mac and cheese (for now; hold her tight and keep her close). you want DESSERT. but you don’t want that rich brainfreeze they call ice cream, and you don’t have a cheesecake handy, so let’s usher in the one and only:

let’s talk cookie dough.

my own interest in cookie dough developed organically. it started when i was young, and my mom let me eat it by the little pre-rolled pieces from toll house. it really just ended there. i would make the pillsbury holiday cookies, pop a pice of dough in my mouth, and have a good time. my interest didn’t really grow until this past year.

recently, cookie dough cravings have expanded to, or been fed and nurtured by, places like dō, the shop that business insider’s food page exploited to change laguardia place forever (i can’t tell you how many people i see waltzing around with their pink spoons and green cups in the park. that’s the dō signature look). other companies, like eatpastry, have made a profit off this trend with their vegan cookie dough (it’s $6.49 at whole foods :)))). millennials (or corporations/people trying to be “hip”) have taken to making cookie dough a “safe” treat to eat.

listen, i know the risk i assume when eating regular cookie dough. i know that i could maybe die from salmonella, but i also know how happy i’ll be if i die eating cookie dough. is it worth it? totally. i’m not pushing you to eat raw cookie dough, but i’m not saying i wouldn’t, ya feel? but i’m also not saying “edible” cookie dough isn’t good, and i’m not not saying i’ve been to dō five times to date and that i physically scoured 7 different groceries stores to find eatpastry in stock.

comparing the two kinds of dough, they taste pretty much the same, which will always perplex me. regular cookie dough, though, is tremendously cheaper, and you get more.

SO, how do we combat this? how do we find a cheaper “safe” cookie dough so we can stay looking cool with a wallet to match?

we can make it!

so, much like my cheesecake project, i got some friends (and myself) together to form a panel to judge the top edible cookie dough recipes. we have a recipe from the creator of dō, a recipe from millennial culture kingdom, buzzfeed, and just to change things up, a vegan cookie dough made out of chickpeas (also from buzzfeed; they’re just too damn trendy).

recipe #1: dō

dō was born when kristen tomlan went on a girls’ trip to philly and came back to nyc with a dream. a dream for dough. she basically left her job as a design consultant and made cookie dough and then insider food picked it up and america lost their fucking mind. the shop gets a lot of flack from people, myself included, for its being such a millennial concept; but it’s actually such a gamechanger. i don’t know if you’ve been there, but holy shit it’s good. living in the city at the time of its rapid popularity growth, i can say that the shop not only changed the village, but it changed me as well. it’s just too damn good to not try, despite the line being an hour and a half long.*

overall score: 6.9/10

panel commentary: “i kinda wanna cook it” “it’s better than the recipe at dō”

get the recipe here.

*the secret is to show up at 8:55 on a weekday. they don’t start cleaning until 9pm, there’s nobody there, and they’re happy to help you.

recipe #2: buzzfeed

god, buzzfeed is just too good. when i’m not taking a buzzfeed quiz, i’m watching tasty videos. when i’m not doing either of those, i’m either asleep or dead. so when i saw their recipe for edible cookie dough, don’t even think i’d deny them. the tasty website has been there for me through it all (since mid-august 2017). based on the article’s comments, though, i don’t think everyone would agree.

the discourse is phenomenal. like, who dislikes buzzfeed so passionately to make a public comment on the article? i just really love people, and not even sarcastically. just to keep things fair, the article features four cookie doughs; i used chocolate chip to adequately compare it to the other two recipes.

overall score: 2.8/10

panel commentary: “i like how smooth it is” “i wouldn’t eat this, but i’m not mad that i tasted this” “it literally tastes like a wet dog shit”

get the recipe here.

recipe #3: buzzfeed, but vegan

buzzfeed and their listicles. so. damn. catchy. they made a healthy version of their “4 edible cookie dough” article and i’m just in awe. the comments are helpful, too!

 

say what you want about vegans, but some of them are bitchin’.

overall score: 0/10

panel commentary: “this looks like regurgitated food for a baby” “what would you all give this?” “ZERO!” “why did you make so much of it?” “i feel just bad for vegans” “vegans really played themselves on that one” “chickpeas should never be in dessert again”

get the recipe here.

in conclusion, don’t make vegan cookie dough (unless it’s eatpastry), and skip the line for regular cookie dō. in other words, just love yourself.

xoxo,

ryan